


Something in the Way

by frostyoctopus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Bokuaka - Freeform, Gang AU, M/M, TW: Violence, TW: drug and alcohol abuse, bokuaka angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-11 00:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostyoctopus/pseuds/frostyoctopus
Summary: Akaashi is an ordinary, yet anxious college student trying to get by in life. He is forcibly thrown into the wrong path in life by a thug named Bokuto, from the one of the most infamous and lethal gangs in all of Tokyo, whose boss is Kuroo. Only then, being in the gang has seriously changed how Akaashi views his own life, and how he values himself. It's up to Akaashi and Bokuto to put their heads together and figure out what to do next. Set in an Alternate Universe.





	1. December

**Author's Note:**

> [PLEASE READ!]  
> Oh man, here it is! The AU I've been talking about for so long! This is my baby, and I've been working on it since December 2016... I hope you all enjoy this story filled with some excruciating anxiety attacks, violence, drugs, and romance. This series is mainly 3rd person POV of Akaashi's thoughts. This whole series is a work in progress, so forgive me if chapter uploading dates are sporadic and spread around. I'm thinking I want to include Bokuto's POV every few chapter... But, I just wanted to share the first chapter with everyone! I'm sorry it's so short... Please let me know what you all think!  
> EDIT 9/14/17;  
> I realize Haikyuu isn't as popular anymore, and that BNHA is all the rage. I LOVE the manga, and I'm thinking I want to write little oneshots of it, but not a full on series like this one. This story is going to be SO drawn out and it's gonna take a million billion years to write.   
> !!!NOTE!!!  
> I'm a student, and writing was never my strong point, but I enjoy doing it. I'm always looking to improve my writing.. PLEASE give feedback about it, like the pacing, or grammatical errors, or active/passive voice.... All that AP shit.   
> As a student, I'm hella busy, and if I find time to update my fics (or remember) I will post what I'm working on.   
> SO FAR, I've written about 6 or 7 chapters, and I think I'll post them all at once when I'm done with everything. Patience is a virtue, and I thank all of you who are patient about my slow ass updates....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit:  
> I know everyone hates Haikyuu!! now but I'm gonna finish this fic. Just watch.

Walking along the sidewalk in the cold December night, Akaashi shoves his hands deeper into his coat pockets. He takes in a deep breath and exhales to see the carbon dioxide visibly in the frosty air. He wishes he had his earbuds, the eerily silent night was putting him on edge. The streetlights flickered dimly and Akaashi tried to keep calm. In his head, he scolded himself. ' _This is sketchy territory, why did I even take this route?_ ' Because of this thought to himself, he anxiously looked back. No one. Not a single person out in the snow at this hour. It made sense, but Akaashi wished there were a few people out to put his mind to rest. He smelled the sickening scent of cigarette smoke as he sped up, trying to keep calm but get home as fast as possible.

Akaashi tries to tell himself things will be okay, and he silently wishes he could instantly teleport home into his warm bed. He cups his hands to his mouth to warm them as he passes a large building, what looks like a bar, with its neon signs flickering and glitching on and off. The windows are boarded up, but it seems to Akaashi that there is lots of activity inside.

As Akaashi passed the building, he was just a few short blocks away from his apartment. He hears the bar door open and slam against the wall facing the street with a crash. _'Probably some alcoholic who just recognized the ungodly hour of night and needs to run home,'_ Akaashi thought, but did not look behind him. He heard boots stumble behind him a little bit, but they grew faint as Akaashi increased his pace. _'Just two more blocks_ ' Akaashi thought, and his anxiety was steadily dwindling. _'When I finally get home, I’m going to take the hottest shower of my life, and finally sleep. Then I-_ '

Akaashi's train of thought derailed and exploded. "Gimme your jacket and your wallet," a gruff voice said lowly behind him. Akaashi stopped in his tracks. "And d-don't fuckin' turn around or nothin.'" The voice slurred and stuttered. Akaashi was prepared for something like this, even though his mind rushed with a million and five thoughts all at once. But being the analytical person he is, he thought up a plan. He slowly raised his arms, and he did not move in case the perp had a weapon. The mysterious man reeked of alcohol and tobacco smoke. The thug huffed and went to rip off Akaashi's coat. But the smart young man didn't train his strength almost every day for nothing.

Like a scene out of a movie, his amazingly quick reflexes allowed him to grab the knife, throw it into the snow, and punch the thug in the stomach. The big man falls to the sidewalk and clutches his stomach and sputters and coughs. Akaashi sprints home. He looks back, and the man's jacket hood falls off his face.


	2. The Cliff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYOOOOOO!!!!  
> After MONTHS of writing and editing and fine-tuning, I'm going to start posting the first 10 chapters!! I don't know how the story will end, I'm at a bit of a block at this point, but I'm delighted to start posting again!  
> my twitter and tumblr is frostyoctopus if you want to follow me there :)  
> (I'm sorry the first few chapters are so damn short, I promise I'll make the future ones longer!  
> Happy reading!

Akaashi was more careful from then on. As soon as he got home, he almost passed out from hyperventilating. It felt great that he knocked out some mugger for the first time, but his anxiety was at its peak. What if he found out where Akaashi lived? What if this, what if that. Thoughts rushing into his mind all at once ate away at him.  
He’s a very smart young man, but he’s also very, very paranoid. He implodes every day with his anxiety setting him on edge. Almost every second of every day, Akaashi was on the verge of falling from that edge, spiraling downwards down a dark path, like being pushed off of a cliff into a body of water that’s endless and thousands of feet deep. But any time he is free from those shackles, he is never thinking about himself. He’s selfless, and will do anything for anyone, out of the goodness of his heart, and peer pressure.  
Akaashi is a student at a college in Tokyo, and has a very humble and small apartment a few blocks from the campus. That night, the night Akaashi keeps thinking about, he was walking home from the campus library from a very late night of studying. He didn’t have enough money for a car, and having a car would just be a waste of gas when the campus was within walking distance. He hated coming back to thoughts he suppressed, but he had to face them himself. Akaashi thought long and hard about what to do next.  
‘ _Obviously, I’m not safe anymore, maybe I’ve never been safe at all_ ,’ he thought, remorseful. Another late night at the campus library. ‘ _Damn it,_ ’ he thought. Akaashi had studied for ten hours, and now he had to be on high alert for other muggers on his walk home; his body and mind couldn’t handle that. He had his music and earbuds with him to calm him, but he kept the volume lowered so he could keep on the lookout. He was not armed, but he did the best he could, being tuckered out from studying all day and all. He was semi-prepared.  
Thankfully, it wasn’t too late. It was somewhere between eleven o’clock and midnight, and but unfortunately, there were still no people out. ‘ _Of course,_ ’ Akaashi thought. ‘ _Who would be out in the cold anyway?_ ’ Akaashi sighed aloud and watched the exhaled breath rise into the frozen air. The icy slush on the sidewalk crunched under his wimpy sneakers as he picked up the pace. He was constantly looking around, left and right and behind him, because he was on the cliff at that point, again. Akaashi thought of peaceful things.  
He thought about playing volleyball in high school, and eating onigiri and watermelon slices during the breaks of the summer practices, and how damn hot it was. In context, he preferred to stay in the blistering heat and do warm-ups than have his entire body freeze over in the current weather. Akaashi smiled, and when a particularly cold snowflake hit his face, he wrinkled his nose and rubbed it away with his sleeve. He took the heavy jacket sleeve away from his face and opened his eyes, and he wished he didn’t. In the distance, there stood a figure in the middle of the street.


	3. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about rewriting this chapter from Bokuto's POV. Would that be cool?  
> Happy reading!

The cliff.   
Akaashi was about to dive involuntarily because of how scared he was.The shadowy figure warped when the streetlights flickered. Akaashi’s breath grew shorter and shorter, he just stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, dumbfounded, with snowflakes gathering on his sneakers. He used to see shadowy figures when he was younger, and seeing it 10 years later made his hair stand on end. He looked to the right of him, to the other sidewalk, and there was another. He did not dare look behind him. The shadowy figure was a human, after all. The person in the dark distance leaned up against a wall and folded their arms across their chest.  
‘Yakuza,’ Akaashi thought. But that was it. That was the one and only thought in his mind. He couldn’t wrap his head around a plan to escape. He stood frozen in place. His playlist on his phone ended, and the street was silent. It was a deafening silence.  
All three of them stood in their own spot for a while. One of the yakuza eventually got bored and lit a cigarette. It was a silent standoff, but it shook Akaashi’s nerves. He wished he could click his heels three times and go home.   
It is ironic, but he mustered up enough courage to run away. As fast as his body could allow, he turned on his heels and sprinted away from the yakuza. He looked back, and saw only one was after him. He slid on the icy concrete, fell on his ass and cussed, but he could not get back up on his feet in time. The gang member skidded to a stop on the ice to pin Akaashi down into the snow forcibly and smoosh his face into the dirty, crunchy snow. It burned Akaashi’s face and he shouted.   
“G-aah..!” The thug hushed Akaashi with a cold hand over his mouth. He straddled Akaashi’s back.  
“Shhhh...Shut the fuck up,” The man growled. It was the same voice Akaashi heard on that night. “Shut up and listen. If you don’t stop struggling I’ll break your fucking neck.”  
Akaashi blinked and hot tears pooled in his eyes and burned his cold face when they escaped his eyelids. He whimpered but didn’t say or scream anything. He quit struggling.  
“You think you’re so slick, don’tcha?” He tightened his grip on Akaashi. His heavy body weighed down Akaashi’s legs, and one hand was on his throat, and the other on his mouth. “I’ve finally found you, since you’re the one that got me in trouble with the boss. Fuck you for that.”  
He flipped Akaashi’s weakened body over to see his face. Mr. Yakuza’s expression was hard to read. It is like every emotion a human is capable of feeling and showing had flashed on his face in mere seconds. “You’re… pretty young,” the man started. He looked into Akaashi’s eyes, and they begged for mercy. They were big, red and puffy from crying, and looking for signs of forbearance from the thug hovering above him.  
To Akaashi, he winced from the pressure the man above him exerted onto his shoulders and balled his hands into pathetic fists. The man didn’t smell like alcohol or musk this time, he smelled like pleasant cologne. The man had messy bleached white hair with black roots that were swept back carelessly. He had strong facial features, with a big, angry jaw and large nose, but the proportions fit him just right. He had a faint five o’clock shadow and weirdly knit eyebrows, like he was examining a species he’s never seen before in a lab. His eyes had the strangest gleam to them.   
“Boss wants to meet you,” He ended, flatly.  
Akaashi was fading from consciousness, but the thug helped him to his feet, to his surprise.   
“Can you… walk?”  
Akaashi nodded, still afraid. Even though he was scared, he got out of that conundrum with small bruises. He trailed behind the thug cautiously and scuttled along in the snow. He followed the big man into the same bar he saw that night.


	4. The Boss

Akaashi was terrified to the bone when he walked into the noisy bar. He heard a glass bottle roll on a wooden surface and crash on the linoleum floor, he smelled the pungent tobacco smoke, his skin felt cold and clammy, and his vision was impaired due to the smoke and dim lights. He trailed behind the man like a frightened child on their way to the principal's office.   
The man in front of him cleared his throat awkwardly before opening the door. "Here we are."  
When the door opened, Akaashi froze, again. In his eyes, the only way to describe what he was seeing was "fucked up, man." What seemed to be the boss of the gang jumped up from snorting lines of coke from a shabby coffee table with knife indentations in it. When he jumped, a shot glass fell off and broke, but the Boss didn't seem to notice. The Boss gleamed and immediately took a shot of God-knows-what alcohol and sprang up to greet the gang member at the door. He was barefoot, which alarmed Akaashi at the sight of the broken glass. He wore a white wife-beater tank top and showed his Calvin Klein boxers underneath his sagging pajamas. His hair was an absolute mess, like he woke up one morning and hasn't brushed it in days. He seemed like a sloppy guy.  
"Bo! You brought back a new recruit, yeah?" He asked excitedly. His eyes glimmered peculiarly.  
"He's the one that knocked me down that one night, this one. He likes to struggle."  
Akaashi uncomfortably shifted his weight on to his left leg, which hurt. 

The Boss eyed the trembling creature before him. He tapped his foot at an incredible speed, due to the cocaine hitting his system. "He's covered in snow and dirt and shit, but he's ultra cute."  
Bo shrugged. When he did, his hoodie fell down. "Yeah."  
"Y-y'know, maybe, Bo, he could, uh, join us and then entertain the bar," the Boss suggested.  
Akaashi was mortified when he heard that. Boss smirked with reckless abandon.  
"Er," Bo scratched his head. "He's a good fighter, and he's strong as hell, maybe he could be a guard or something?" He stated a little too quickly.   
The Boss sniffed hard. "Whatever, bro. You can look after him until initiation. Beat him up and see if he can put up a fight against a f-formidable opponent," the Boss concluded. "He'll be your lil buddy, ain't that cute?" His narrow eyes darted towards Akaashi and smirked. "What's your name, sweetums?"  
Akaashi looked him in the eye, but when he did he felt his heart about to burst, and every cell in his body was about to explode. He looked away at the last second.  
"A-Akaashi."  
"Nicetameetcha. Name's Kuroo. But you call me Boss, and Boss only, got it? Aaaand, since you're gonna be under Bokuto's s-supervision, and since he's a big, bad, scary owl, Imma call you 'Birdy'. Like that?" The Boss beamed. Akaashi nodded reluctantly. He hated nicknames.   
Bokuto grew impatient. "What're we gonna do with him?"  
Kuroo sniffed hard, again. "Take him in. Show him the ropes. Schedule the initiation. Y'know, the usual shit." He threw his arms in the air. "I don't care, bro. Fuck him for all I care."  
Akaashi winced.  
"I got other shit to do," Boss jabbed a thumb behind his shoulder at the lines of cocaine. "And people to call. He's your boy now, Bokuto."  
Bokuto bowed. "Thanks, Boss. Night." Akaashi bowed quickly. He wanted to get the hell out of there. They walked out of the musty room. "Er, do you want something to drink before we go back to my place?" Bokuto asked genuinely.  
Akaashi's nerves spiked. ' _Back to his place? Is he gonna get me drunk and bang me, or keep me locked in his room as a slave, or-'_  
"I can tell you're nervous, dude. It's customary to invite a new recruit to your place to stay the night. If you refuse, you kinda look like an asshole," Bokuto explained.  
Akaashi sighed a breath of relief. "O-oh. No, thank you. I don't drink much."  
Bokuto shrugged and yawned. It had to be about one or two o'clock in the morning. "Let's go back. I don't live that far."  
They walked out of the smelly bar into the crunchy snow. It was still snowing.  
"And," Bokuto started out of the blue as they walked down the sidewalk. "Uh, sorry for, uh, trying to mug you that one time."


	5. Black

"I was drunk as all hell. And Kuroo was on another cocaine binge and wanted me to go out in the snow and buy him some shit like I was grocery shopping." Bokuto spat into the snow.  
Akaashi shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. Snowflakes settled into his hair softly. The moon was shining through the clouds. He looked up at the moon every so often as if to say _"Why?"_  
He mostly kept looking at the ground as he walked. He answered Bokuto with very few words as they walked.   
Later, they arrived at Bokuto's apartment. "Get hyped, the heater's on tonight," Bokuto smiled gently. Akaashi smiled, to be polite. He didn't know how to feel about all of it, yet. He was just... taking it in. Bokuto unlocked the door and turned on the kitchen light and tore off his hoodie and bulky boots and threw them, carelessly. Underneath, he wore a black t-shirt with a white long sleeved shirt under it. He stretched out his arms and walked casually to the kitchen. Akaashi took off his shoes and placed them neatly by the door.  
"Make yourself at home. But I'll be going to bed soon," Bokuto yawned again. "We don't have to be at HQ unless we're called, so feel free to sleep in if ya want."  
"Th-thank you," Akaashi's mood lightened, but he felt weird as hell. "Bokuto-san."  
Bokuto's eyes glimmered in the dim light, he didn't expect to hear an honorific come after his name. He cleared his throat. He did it quite often, because he was stinky smoker. "I know you've had a rough night. Get some sleep, yeah?" Bokuto reassured. "I can, uh, take the couch. You can sleep in my bed, and I'm sorry if my room's a mess," Bokuto rambled. Akaashi took off his jacket and laid it on his arm. He smiled. He felt way more calm than he did at the bar. Akaashi disappeared into Bokuto's dark bedroom and squeaked out a "Goodnight," before closing the door.  
He set his backpack down and sighed. He couldn't pinpoint the exact emotion he was feeling.   
_'It's not a bad place, and Bokuto-san seems nice, but it still feels odd.'_   
He unzipped his hoodie and snuggled into Bokuto's big, warm blankets wearing his shirt, jeans, and socks. He left his jeans on because wearing your boxers in a stranger's bed felt...unbecoming of him. Akaashi turned off the lamp and closed his eyes to try to sleep. He thought about tonight's events. He thought about the creepy druggie Boss. He thought about Bokuto. ' _Maybe in a different light he would be a lot more handsome than at two o'clock in the morning, wearing a sweaty hoodie and smelling like cigarettes_ ,' Akaashi thought, which sounded a little mean in his head. However, he considered that not all thugs smell like gods.  
Bokuto's snoring in the living room made Akaashi smile to himself as he stared into the pitch black darkness, save for the blue illuminated numbers on a digital alarm clock lighting the room subtly.   
_'Of course I'm scared. Scared out of my mind, honestly. And of course I have no friends to call up and tell them I'm in a gang. It's my fault for fighting Bokuto-san that night, I should've taken the beating and then limp home. That way, I wouldn't be in a God forsaken gang.'_  
The anxiety's loud voice was finally hushed by the thought of Bokuto taking him in. Akaashi finally fell asleep to the hum of the heater


	6. How it Goes

It was finally morning, but it didn't look like it. Akaashi rubbed his eyes and looked through the blinds of Bokuto's bedroom window. It was extremely dark, and the clouds looked foreboding, even at eight o'clock. Akaashi was startled to awake in an unfamiliar setting. Oh right, he was in a gang. It just... happened overnight. In the silent apartment, Akaashi listened very closely to see if Bokuto was asleep or snoring. He didn't hear anything at all, which took him aback a bit.   
He slumped back down into bed to try to sleep in a little longer.   
It was useless. There were too many thoughts in his mind to sleep now. He wondered where Bokuto was, how he was going to leave, and if he was going to even leave at all. The whole idea of joining a gang frightened him, even if he was forced into it.    
_ 'There's no way in hell I could even survive with how weak I am. Yeah, I'm physically strong, but I'd crack under immense pressure. I'd have an attack right then and there. And that Kuroo-san would have my head if he knew how weak I really was-' _   
The sound of a door opening interrupted Akaashi's thoughts. By impulse, he dove deeper into the blankets and covered his head. He laid there for a few moments before he realized he was okay. He heard shuffling around in the kitchen.   
Hesitantly, he got up. Akaashi reached for the door handle but stopped himself.    
Why?    
He opened the door, but he still felt timid.   
He walked into the main room to see Bokuto making breakfast in the kitchen. He turned around and flashed a toothy grin.   
"Heya, Akaashi. Good morning." Bokuto's hair was smoothed back, neatly, and clean shaven. He seemed to be in a chipper mood, a great difference from how he behaved and appeared last night. He was cooking up some eggs in a frying pan on the stovetop. On the counter was a grocery bag full of food, and a giant glass bottle of whiskey.   
"Er, the booze isn't mine. It's for Kuroo. Have some breakfast, my dude," Bokuto beckoned.   
Akaashi was about to say no, but his stomach said otherwise.    
Bokuto and Akaashi ate their breakfast while Bokuto gave him the rundown of how Kuroo's gang works.    
"Kuroo's the ring leader, see. He controls the Boys, the gang, the money, the weapons," Bokuto counted on his fingers. "Pretty much the big boss of everything," He shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, that's why we call him 'Boss'."   
"What he said last night, I don't like the idea of 'entertaining' the bar," Akaashi declared shakily.   
"You probably won’t have to, unless Kuroo makes you. They get treated pretty well and they get awesome pay. Being a Boy is hard but rewarding work, ya dig? But it's dangerous," Bokuto shoved a fork full of scrambled eggs in his mouth. "I mean, being a prostitute and all. Scary shit."   
Akaashi shivered. He would never in his life want to put himself out the street and get sexed around for money, when he knows that most of the money goes to that creepy Kuroo, anyway.   
"Who do we even start fights with anyway? Not just random people on the street, right?"    
Bokuto grinned when he heard "we."    
"Well, it differs a lot, but basically it's people who owe us money, who disrespect the Boys, who hurt one of the gang guys. It's kinda like," Bokuto paused to laugh. "A fucked up brotherhood. We have each other's backs. No child left behind sorta thing."   
"Interesting," Akaashi mumbled. "So what do we do now?"   
Bokuto looked up with a look of sorry on his face. A genuine sorry look, and not a half-assed fake sorry. "We, uh, are required to keep you here. So you won't rat us out," Bokuto put up his hands. "I know, I know, it's fucked. But it's Kuroo's rule. I know you don't wanna be here, and it's my fault I roped you into this. You're a strong motherfucker but," Bokuto paused awkwardly. "You're not...ready for it all yet, and I can tell by the way you were last night and today. You're intimidated by all of this shit happening at once."   
_ 'He read me like a book,' _ Akaashi thought.  _ 'He's smarter than he looks, to be honest.' _ _   
_ "I am."  __ Who wouldn't be?   
Bokuto sighed awkwardly. "So, er, you can stay here, I mean you can go back to your place to get clothes and stuff but, um, you gotta stay here so we can keep a close eye on you, it's just 'safety precautions' I guess, uh," he sputtered. He was nervous.   
Akaashi smiled sadly. All he wanted was to go home. "How long am I going to stay here with you?" He asked. He didn't ask as if he was annoyed, he asked because he was curious. He was curious about Bokuto, interestingly enough.   
Bokuto rubbed his neck. "Yeah, it all depends on Kuroo with that one," he started. "Once we know you're not a snitch and we can place our trust in you, you can go back to your place. I don't like the whole 'babysitting a new recruit' thing either," he threw up his arms casually. "But hey, that's how it goes, and Kuroo's too much of a drunken idiot to change anything. We'll know after your initiation."   
Initiation.   
Akaashi's stomach flipped inside him


	7. Snow

Shortly after, Akaashi borrowed a sweatshirt from Bokuto, (because his was all roughed up from being pinned down in the street) took the spare key, and made his way back to his apartment. He had a small knife in his pocket, given to him by Bokuto. "Just in case!" He had said. His sing-song voice brought comfort and slight annoyance to Akaashi, like it was familiar to him. He waved goodbye and said he would back soon, he just had to pick things up from his apartment.   
  
As he walked, he passed the bar, which Bokuto called headquarters, and continued on with a cold shiver. It gave him the creeps, the heebie jeebies, what have you. He breathed the cold morning air through his nose and out through his mouth, which calmed him, for the moment. He was lucky Bokuto was such a nice, generous guy.   
He reached his small apartment, kicked the ground to get the snow off his boots, and unlocked the door. It was warm and inviting, but he knew he couldn't stay for long. He just had to pack normal "slumber party" items, ie. a toothbrush, hairbrush, and a few changes of clothes.    
_ 'Bokuto-san said something about an initiation _ ,' he thought as he packed his backpack full of the items.  _ 'I hope I don't have to do anything drastic, er, it's all illegal anyway, I guess. _ '   
He still didn't like it. He didn't like the look or presence of that Kuroo fellow, and he certainly didn't like how he was forced into it because they were "short on staff". However, Akaashi did admire Bokuto's benevolence and thoughtfulness.   
_ 'I just don't want the police to catch us. What if I totally mess everything up and get the death penalty for all of us?' _   
Akaashi bit his nails as he walked home in the dirty, slushy snow on the sidewalk. He hated doing it, but he couldn't help himself. Nothing could. He was a few feet backed away from the cliff, but he was still there, trembling in fear, looking down at what might happen.

In his apartment he took his sweet time gathering his clothes and thoughts. He needed to sit down and breathe just for a bit. Funny, how people breathe all damn day, but they don’t really  _ breathe.  _ Akaashi forgets the quickest and most efficient way to calm down pretty often. Inhale Exhale. When he notices the shakiness of his own breath, it makes him feel even more uneasy.  _ ‘How did I let myself become like this?’ _  He thinks when he gets like this.  _ ‘What if-’ _

For the first time in a hundred million years, Akaashi snaps out of it. He snaps out of his depressive episode all by himself. He can’t remember the last time he mustered the strength to get out of his drab mood. It was certainly difficult, most especially with the thoughts in his head racing past each other at vicious speeds.

_ ‘Bokuo is good. He is so kind and cheerful and obliging to me, here I was thinking all thugs were the same; they were all the same evil wretches in the dregs of society.’ _

Akaashi smiled to himself. But why? His heartbeat proved it, it kept pounding and pounding the more he thought about Bokuto.   
  
When Akaashi arrived back to Bokuto's apartment, he tried the key that the roommate gave him. He twisted it both ways, tried it upside down, and finally gave up. ' _ How irresponsible _ ,' Akaashi thought. He knocked on the door hastily, his nose was burning from the cold. A few moments later, and Akaashi tapping his foot about a thousand times, Bokuto opened the door.   
He admired Bokuto a whole lot more this time from where he was standing.   
In sweatpants, a towel around his neck, and damp hair, Bokuto sheepishly smiled. "Guess I gave ya the wrong key, that must've been the mail key."   
He dragged Akaashi in. "You've gotta be freezing, come inside, dude!"   
_ 'How is he not cold? _ ' Akaashi stared for a bit, but not too long to draw attention.    
Bokuto's muscular back and chest was covered in scars and bruises. Akaashi's face went hot. The flush Bokuto’s figure gave to Akaashi practically warmed up his entire body.    
The truth was, Akaashi had always known he was gay, but he was never vocal about it. He was too shy and awkward to admit it. Or was he afraid?   
He snapped out of his trance. He tried to connect the dots. ' _ I mean, if Kuroo has male strippers and prostitutes in headquarters, it has to be a whole...thing, right? One of those things where everyone's...not straight? Are those real? But that doesn't mean Bokuto-san's not straight, he could be-' _ __   
"Erm, should I put on some clothes?" Bokuto interrupted Akaashi's train of thought. It derailed, and everyone on the train died. What also died, was Akaashi's spirit.   
His face went red hot and he immediately looked down at the carpet. He wanted to say something, like "sorry," or perhaps, "you're fine". But he didn't say a word, damn it.   
Bokuto smiled. "Ya don't gotta be so embarrassed all the time. Life's more tough if you're worried about everything all the time, ya dig?" He pushed back his hair, the handsome bastard.    
Akaashi nodded but avoided eye contact. Bokuto opened his mouth to say something but his phone buzzed like crazy in his sweatpants pocket. He checked the caller ID.    
"Tch. It's Kuroo. This early in the morning, huh? I gotta take this. Stay inside where it's warm, yeah? Turn on the TV, or somethin'," Bokuto said as he stepped out the door to answer the phone. He still had no shirt or shoes, the lunatic.   
Akaashi felt grimy and disgusting from last night and sleeping in his clothes. He hoped Bokuto wouldn't mind if he showered.    
The hot water scorched his back but soothed his mind, for the time being. Quickly, he washed up. He scrubbed hard at his skin, hoping the grime and guilt would slip away He got out, but it pained him, because the water felt so heavenly and the bathroom was so cold.   
  
Bokuto lit a cigarette. He never smoked inside, he wasn't an animal.    
"Hello, Boss.   
"Good morning, Bokuto. How's the new recruit?" Kuroo sang.   
"I, uh,"   
"Is he tight?" Kuroo stifled a laugh. "Didja fuck him?"   
"We didn't do anything last night," Bokuto stuttered.   
"Haaah? Boring. Did you try fighting him again, at least?" Kuroo mocked.   
"Nah. He just crashed at my place. He's a good kid. You wouldn't think he'd be the type to kick your ass." Bokuto said nonchalantly.   
"Indeed," Kuroo said, bored. "Let him know that that initiation will take place soon. We still have to get things ready. Say two weeks. I'll let ya know."   
Bokuto sighed. The most painful part of joining a gang was the recruit's first initiation event. "Of course. Thanks, Boss."   
He hung up.   
Bokuto stressed. His own initiation event was... traumatic for him. He hopes Akaashi is stronger than him, he hopes Akaashi can handle it. When he came back into the apartment, he went to the kitchen and poured Hennessy into his coffee.   
  
Akaashi plopped down at the kitchen table with  and made small talk with Bokuto. Smalltalk like, "How long have you been in Kuroo's gang? What kind of money do you make? How old are you? What high school did you go to? What's your number?"   
He was about to ask about the initiation when Bokuto facepalmed.   
"Gahh! I'm an idiot. I forgot to tell you. You can go home after you're done with initiation, but you have to come to HQ whenever you're called."   
Akaashi was relieved. It's only fair that he has to go whenever he's called, but albeit it's awkward living with Bokuto, he does like it a little. He wished he could stay longer. In his mind, Bokuto was the one pulling him away from the edge. He pulled him close and into his arms as the clouds parted and the new sunshine lit up their own world.


	8. Rival

Bokuto and Akaashi sat on the couch for a while, just chatting. Chatting was all it was. Akaashi felt more comfortable by the minute, but he didn't want to, because he didn't like the feeling of him accepting a thuggy gang member's company. Their chat was interrupted by Bokuto's phone buzzing, again.   
"Is Boss calling again?" Akaashi hugged a throw pillow.   
Bokuto shook his head, relieved. "Just a text, thank God." He read it carefully and his eyes settled with solace. It seemed like he hated talking to his own boss, even when they were all buddy-buddy at headquarters. "Good news, 'Kaashi."   
He locked his phone and put it back into his pocket. "Initiation is set in for two weeks. Kuroo told me to tell you beforehand so you don't freak out or leave when it happens, so you don't get overwhelmed and all."   
This meant that Akaashi wouldn't have to be thrown into the volcano too soon, and he would stay with Bokuto two more weeks, as well, which he secretly liked. As the comfortability was amped up, so did Akaashi’s admiration towards Bokuto.

Akaashi's conscience backed away from the cliff. Internally, he could cry tears of joy. Internally, his sunken heart had lifted from the deep trench of doubt and anxiety that whipped and stirred like a whirlpool inside him. He backed farther and farther away from the cliff.   
"Boy, you look happy!" Bokuto beamed. "Relieved? I knew you would be," he added. "You're the lucky one, when I did my initiation, I didn't get any fuckin' two weeks notice."   
Akaashi cocked his head. "Why's that? What happened at your initiation? Are they different every time?" He hugged the little pillow tighter.   
Bokuto shifted on the couch, uncomfortable with the question. "It was just insanely different."    
They watched television for a few hours, chatting in between commercials.   
Bokuto's phone buzzed again.    
"Damn it. Who is it this time?" He grumbled.   
It was a text from a member. Bokuto's screen read:   
  
Lev:   
[5:32 PM]   
YO MAN TURN 2 CHANNEL 8 THAT MOFS ON THE NEWS MAN!!!   
  
"Well shit," Bokuto cussed suddenly. He flipped to channel eight, and there it was.   
"What's wrong, Bokuto-san?"   
"Our...target. He's..."   
The news story showed a mugshot of a handsome, tall, young man. The running line at the bottom of the screen read:   
  
_ GANG LEADER AND PIMP OIKAWA TOORU RELEASED FROM PRISON ON MEDICAL FURLOUGH _   
  
Akaashi was puzzled. "Who's Oikawa Tooru? Is he-"   
"Our target," Bokuto grumbled again, rubbing his temples. "One of Kuroo's biggest rivals, and he's...fucking released on false accusation. God, Kuroo's gotta be furious now," Bokuto chuckled darkly.    
Akaashi sunk down into the couch. He didn't know what to think, and Bokuto acting this way and being angry like this made him itchy and anxious. He sighed.   
"The deal with Oikawa is that he's pimpin' out Boys,  _ our _ boys, offering them more money to join his sick business so he could have more staff. Kuroo had to buy them all back, and we lost a shitton of money," Bokuto said, frustrated, while tapping his foot on the carpet. It looked like he needed to smoke.   
"Sounds like a messy guy," Akaashi said, unsure how to comfort Bokuto at all. He looked back to the television screen. “Medical furlough? Is he sick?”

Bokuto answered. “AIDS. Contracted it from dirty needles a couple years back. They’re releasing him because he’ll die soon.”

Akaashi was about to open his mouth to say something, but was interrupted once again by Bokuto's phone ringing. Damn it.   
"I saw," Bokuto said. He already knew it was Kuroo.   
"Get your asses down here now," Kuroo's rough voice traveled quickly and gruffly through the phone.   
"Can do. Give us a minute," Bokuto said reluctantly.   
"ASAP."   
"Yeah, yeah. See you down there. Hang on a sec."   
He hung up and immediately turned to Akaashi.    
"So," he started. "This means that Oikawa's out, he's at his own headquarters, and he's our biggest target at the moment. We need to," he paused, trying to look for the right word. "Neutralize him. Getting him out of the way would help us a whole bunch, and-"   
Akaashi stuttered, "Th-this is my initiation."   
Bokuto scratched his head. "Sorry you had to figure it out like this. Shit just unexpectedly comes up," he looked at the television with Oikawa's mugshot and made a face. "Just a little while ago, you were set in for initiation two weeks from now. With Kuroo," he paused and stuttered while trying to collect his thoughts. "H-h-he just has all this shit come up and he- goddamnit." Bokuto held his head in his hands. “You’re not even trained to fire a gun,” He mumbled.   
Akaashi's safe placement faraway from the cliff's edge was made shorter and shorter. He was getting closer to the edge, to falling, he felt static energy in his legs, he didn’t know where it came from. He felt as if he were being eaten from the inside out. He was broken from Bokuto and someone else was pushing him away, and closer to the edge, a shadowy figure.   
Bokuto held Akaashi's shoulder, gingerly. "I will make sure that you get outta there safely, Akaashi. But first we gotta calm down, first. Kuroo can wait a bit, the bastard. I can tell you’re nervous, aren’tcha?”

Akaashi gulped but there was nothing in his mouth, except for the sour and pungent taste of fear. He wanted nothing more than to stay inside and keep watching TV with his new friend.

“I’ll give you something. Of course, we have an uber supply of weapons at HQ, but this is just stuff I’ve always kept for myself.” Bokuto dug through a closet of winter apparel, and at the bottom was a large, soft, blue velvet box. In the box was a beautiful set of incredibly sharp and pointy knives, ranging in different shapes and lengths, with hilts made of stunningly polished wood, resided within a long vinyl wrap with sheaths for the knives. Akaashi was no expert on weapons, but he admired the knives in bewilderment. At the same time, his quivering was unending, to no one’s surprise.

As he was picking through his knives, from his peripherals, Bokuto saw Akaashi trembling. 

“These are for close combat. Can you handle that?” Bokuto inquired, very seriously.

“I-I’m not sure,” Akaashi admitted, shakily. “I’ve never been, er, prepared for stuff like this.”

Bokuto considered this. “It was a fucking foolish idea to pick some rando off of the street. Kuroo wanted you because he- nevermind. We can train you in time. Now, we need all the help we can get,” Bokuto gruffly replied. He tucked a switchblade in his waistband and handed a short, but sharp, blade to Akaashi. “Throw on your coat and boots and let’s roll.” Akaashi’s unyielding and brutal grip on the knife out of nerves made his knuckles turn white.


	9. Shadows

The wind against their faces felt like bricks as they “briskly” trudged to HQ. While the physical atmosphere was warm and comforting on the inside, the social atmosphere felt gut-wrenchingly painful and forcibly compliant, as well as incredibly tense. Bokuto didn’t bother knocking the snow off his boots at the door.

“Been waitin’ forever, asshole,” Lev greeted.

“Hello to you too.”

“Awright, er, I know it’s a bit early,” Kuroo shrugged like it wasn’t his fault. “But it’s initiation time, Birdy.” Kuroo looked like he had just rolled out of bed. In one hand, he held his red metallic flask. In the other hand was a nasty cigarette. Tucked in his low-riding waistband was a Glock. No holster, no sir, no safety instruction video for the initiation, either. 

Bokuto cleared his throat. “He can’t shoot a gun. He’s not trained for this typa’ shit, Boss.”

“Then he’s useless towards us!” Interjected Lev. “Why’d you pick up some asshole to join us if he can’t even shoot a gun, Bokuto?” 

‘ _ What a lovely character _ ,’ Akaashi thought sarcastically, trying to calm his nerves with humor.

Kuroo walked towards Bokuto and Akaashi to put his arm around the new recruit. “Have faith, Lev. Don’t be such a dick. He can do it,” Kuroo smiled gingerly and somewhat sincerely towards the pretty bird. “He’s just gotta be careful is all.” His beady eyes darted towards Bokuto, who was crossing his arms, annoyed. “‘Kuto. You’re in charge of Birdy tonight.”

Bokuto scuffed his boots on the floor. “Got it.”

Kuroo looked to Lev. “Is everything ready? Did you assholes even make a plan?”

The tall, lanky man made a face. “Got word from Yaku, Oikawa’s at his club, he has three guys with him. Can’t tell if they’re bodyguards or Boys, he says.”

Kuroo nodded and grinned. “Mmm. Then this’ll be easy. Almost everyone associated with Oikawa either ran away or was killed. He won’t have many men on him now. The bastard. This time, we’ll fuckin’ get him, for sure.”

 

“That’s his car. One in the front seat. Oikawa’s in the back with another dude,” Bokuto said in the chill of the night. Kuroo’s gang and Akaashi set up their positions and planned for hours, waiting for the darkness of the night to come, for it promised an easy getaway. Their noses were red from the cold. The four of them were crouched on a roof looking below at Oikawa's HQ, clad in gloves and complete black attire, their silhouettes against the moonlit sky and dim streetlight in the dregs of Tokyo alleyways looked like something out of a comic book. Kuroo, Lev, and Bokuto had their straps and mags hidden. Akaashi’s grip on the knife increased.

"He went inside with one of them. Two are standing outside," Lev spat into the snow. "He’s in the back entrance of the bar. That door leads straight to his little lounge."   
The two standing outside looked mean. One was short, had light brown hair with bangs, and wearing a cold mask with a blue jacket. The other was much taller, with dark messy hair and a black coat.   
"Lev," Kuroo said darkly. "We can take the two outside. Bokuto and Birdy can take him and the other out inside. We'll call for backup if we need to,” then he added with malevolence, “But we won’t need backup.”

Bokuto nodded and looked at Akaashi. He whispered, “Initiation. Kill a member of a different gang,” he paused, then hesitated, “and show their body at their own HQ.”

Akaashi was instantly mortified and felt chilled when Kuroo laughed. “We need you to do this, Birdy. Initiation, right? You have potential.” The sly bastard licked his lips.

“Shut up. Let’s do this already. Let’s put this fuck in his place.”

Bokuto and Akaashi went inside the building to warm up while they waited for the signal.    
"We look out the window and if Kuroo waves his hand, we go. If they retaliate we have to help Kuroo and Lev," Bokuto explained. Akaashi just nodded. He understood, of course. But his nerves were burning his skin.   
After a short while, Kuroo gave the signal. Akaashi and Bokuto burst through the door. While Kuroo and Lev were distracting the men at the door, Akaashi and Bokuto ran inside.   
Oikawa, off-guard, yelped like a small dog at the sound of the door being broken through.    
"Aaaah!!! Iwa-chan!!" He squealed.   
The big man took a step forward and cracked his knuckles.    
"Hold up a sec, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said suddenly. he put a hand on Iwaizumi's huge shoulder.   
"I know you," he pointed to Bokuto, who looked bored with his hand in his pockets. "The Owl. You're with," he paused and snapped his fingers. "You're with that Tetsurou motherfucker!" he cried.    
Bokuto simply shrugged with his brass knuckles. "I dunno. Maybe." He let Oikawa ramble, it only bought time for Kuroo and Lev, but it wasted his own time.   
Iwaizumi's fist collided with the owl's face. He was tired of wasting time.   
"Shut the fuck up.” Iwazumi's voice was rough like sandpaper.   
Bokuto chuckled darkly. He equipped his brass knuckles and changed his posture into a fighting stance. "Come on then, ya bastard."   
While the two large men fought, Akaashi was left with Oikawa. They made a painfully, agonizingly long eye contact without making any moves.They were both frozen. Akaashi gripped a knife but he couldn’t feel his body.    
"Hey now. I’ve never seen you before," Oikawa cooed. "You’re beautiful. Why are you a guard for Tetsurou,” he paused to cough. “...When you could make much more money working as a Boy for me?"   
Although annoyed, Akaashi let Oikawa babble while he thought of his move to make. The lanky fellow was handsome, but he was sickly and decaying. Akaashi remembered back to when he first met Bokuto. How he reversed his attack and stole his knife.   
"I prefer to stay free from gonorrhea. Can’t stand bacteria. It festers," Akaashi answered and shivered. Even he thought it was gross.   
"That’s disgusting," Oikawa made a face. "No wonder you're with Tetsurou's filthy pack of cats." Akaashi's knuckles went white in his pockets from the intense grip on the knife.   
"Are you a new recruit?" Oikawa licked his chapped lips darkly. "You would look more beautiful with money in your waistband, you know." His distractions were futile. Akaashi's heard it all before.   
Akaashi was sick of it. He lunged at Oikawa, knife in hand, aiming for his chest. Oikawa screamed and croaked for Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi leaped off of bloody Bokuto to assist Oikawa. Akaashi had cut Oikawa's exposed collarbone, but not quite deep enough. Akaashi heaved from the adrenaline. Oikawa heaved just the same.    
"A kitten's scratch," Oikawa retorted between heavy breaths. "You're not fit to be a guard. Come work for me," he wheezed. The bastard was making light of the situation even when he was cut by a knife.   
Iwaizumi snatched Akaashi by his hair, beat him, and choked him. Bokuto struggled to leap up from the ground to help Akaashi. 

While Oikawa was wailing in the corner without a weapon like a spoiled brat, Bokuto stuck a knife in Iwaizumi's side and punched him in the gut with the brass knuckles. Iwa and Akaashi dropped to the ground. Akaashi spit up blood. 

Suddenly the pent-up rage and malice from over the years became a tangible object in front of him. A shadow, a demon, call it what you want, it was in front of Akaashi, eagerly pleading him to kill Iwa.

_ Don’t you want your paranoia to be gone? Back off from the cliff? _

Not even Akaashi knew what was happening. He was afraid of the shadow, and he obliged out of terror.   
Akaashi was gasping for when he reached for the knife, straddled Iwaizumi, and stabbed him multiple times in the abdomen. Iwazumi screeched in pain and struggled, but Akaashi would not yield. He kept stabbing and stabbing, yelling while doing it, tears and blood rolled down his face in red rivulets.   
Bokuto nearly strangled Oikawa when Kuroo and Lev burst in.    
"We heard a scream!" Lev cried out.   
"We took care of them outside," Kuroo stated coolly and evilly as he walked toward the gruesome scene before him.   
Oikawa cried out beneath Bokuto's hand around his neck," Makki!! Mattsun!! No!!"   
"Tooru," Kuroo grinned that shit-eating grin.    
"Eat shit and die," Oikawa struggled. "Tetsurou."   
"Give us what we want, motherfucker" Bokuto demanded.   
"Mmm. we want 500k and 500 kilos," Kuroo said with a wicked smile.   
Oikawa struggled once more. Meanwhile, Akaashi was leaning over Iwazumi's body and crying, in a trance of some sort. The shadow was still there, but it did not speak. It did not have eyes. Its humanoid form was blurry, and Akaashi was too afraid to inspect the finer details of its appearance, however, he could not look away.   
"Fuck," Oikawa squirmed. "You."   
Bokuto's grip tightened In his right hand and he held a knife to Oikawa's throat in the other hand.   
"O-okay!" Oikawa gasped. "I-in the back. I swear it. Take what you w-want. Please don’t come around here anymore," Oikawa begged and whimpered with tears streaming down his contorted face. He was an ugly crier. He did not see Iwaizumi's lifeless body through the tears.   
Kuroo smiled. “Let him go. He’s about to die soon anyway.”

Bokuto let go of his throat.    
"Mmmm. Thanks, pretty boy," Kuroo kissed his forehead. "We'll be on our way. Goodbyeee."   
Lev gathered the money while Kuroo gathered the coke. Bokuto picked up Akaashi from the ground and put an arm around his shoulder.    
"Hey," he looked into Akaashi's eyes. "That was a fuckin’ successful initiation, yeah?"   
Akaashi didn't say anything but only shivered and cried. He was immobilized by fear. His knees felt like jelly, his skin was on fire, and his eyes were vacant. He was soaked in Iwaizumi's blood.   
Bokuto carried Iwazumi's body on his back as he led Akaashi out of the door.    
"...Bokuto-san."   
"Mmm? What is it?"   
"...I want to leave."   
"Alright, Akaashi."   
  
Kuroo counted the money as Lev drove back to HQ. The kilos of coke were In the trunk. Akaashi leaned his head on Bokuto's shoulder in the backseat. The shadow was no longer there, but he was still crying.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, the initiation was to kill another rival gang member and hang their body at their own HQ. Pretty macabre, right? Then I thought Akaashi's trauma would come from seeing Iwaizumi being hung up, arms spread, like an angel. Then Akaashi wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a demon or an angel.   
> These were great ideas, but the trauma from the initiation is going to shape Akaashi as a character, then I thought that the angel and demon thing would be too cheesy? Not to mention triggering.  
> Welp. But I really liked how I changed it up.


	10. Healing

"Akaashi, are you going back home?" Bokuto questioned.   
Akaashi embraced Bokuto. He winced from the pain in his side but embraced the bloody young man back.    
"I don’t want to be alone," Akaashi whispered. "Can we go back to your place?" He sniffed.   
Bokuto smiled and held Akaashi. "Mhm. let's get outta here.   
  
"You can shower before me and take some more clothes, yours are probably ruined," Bokuto started as he took off his shoes and put on his slippers.   
  
Akaashi didn’t say a word, but he was grateful that Bokuto welcomed him into his home so easily.    
"You can shower first, 'Kaashi."    
Akaashi slipped into the bathroom, ripped off his clothes soiled with blood and looked at himself in the mirror in the small bathroom. His hair was matted and wet with blood and sweat and snow. His face was bruised and his nose had dried blood under it. His torso was beaten black and blue and shaking. He was an absolute mess.   
He showered for a long time. The hot water stung his surface wounds but felt good after a while.   
He couldn't shake the feeling of sitting on top of a murdered body, covered in blood and shaking. Iwaizumi, with deep cuts in his abdomen.  _ 'By the looks of the blood loss,'  _ Akaashi wondered.  _ 'I probably hit his spleen.' _ He felt sick.   
"Oya? Akaashi? Are you alright? You've been in there for over an hour. I don’t want you to throw up," Bokuto knocked on the bathroom door.    
Akaashi turned the water off, stepped out to grab a towel, and opened the door.    
"I’m fine, thanks."   
After this statement Akaashi puked into the toilet.   
"Hey, hey, hey," Bokuto said, startled. He rubbed Akaashi's back as he threw up. "You’ll be alright, 'Kaashi.” When he was done, Akaashi brushed his teeth immediately.   
Bokuto cleaned Akaashi's wounds with sterile water and bandaged him. Bokuto wasn't a pro nurse or anything, but he knew the basic things. Akaashi was frozen in place and did not say a word. Bokuto sloppily bandaged himself, he knew he needed to attend to Akaashi’s trauma.   
The traumatized young man collapsed in Bokuto's bed, his wet hair soaking the pillow.   
"B-Bokuto-san," Akaashi whimpered with tears in his eyes. "I don’t want to be alone.”

“Akaashi…”

“His body... I can't get it out of my fucking h-head."   
"Akaashi, I’m-”   
"B-Bokuto-san, pl-please" Akaashi sobbed.   
Bokuto crawled into bed next to Akaashi. He cradled him in his big, warm arms. "I’m here."   
Akaashi snuggled against him. Their eyes met and stared for a long time. Bokuto's eyes did not twinkle like usual. They looked tired and sad.   
  
"Thank you," the frightened one said after a long time of silence.   
"You're welcome. I don’t want you to be alone," Bokuto stated. He rubbed Akaashi's head soothingly.   
"What time is it?" Akaashi yawned.    
Bokuto did not look at the clock. He did not want to take his gaze off of Akaashi's bruised, but beautiful face illuminated by the moonlight.    
"Almost 4 AM. I think."   
"Really?" Akaashi asked as he cuddled closer to Bokuto's warm body.   
"Yeah." Their gaze was broken by them closing their eyes. Bokuto leaned in to kiss Akaashi's forehead. "Goodnight. You're not alone."

  
In the morning, Bokuto showered. He removed his bandages and took a long hot shower while Akaashi slept.   
_ 'That kid is a mess, _ ' he thought. He shook his head. ' _ I don’t blame him. I was too. _ '   
He thought for a long time about Akaashi. ' _ He's so beautiful. Even though he was afraid, he fought like a champ. He's strong. Stronger than me when I did my first initiation.' _   
When Bokuto got out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around himself, and a sleepy Akaashi was outside the bathroom door.    
"Hey," he yawned. He stood on his tippy toes and pushed back Bokuto's hair. "You're all wet."   
Bokuto laughed. "Uh, yeah. I just showered!"   
Akaashi twitched. "Your hair looks cute when it’s down," he said nonsensically.   
It dawned on Bokuto. "Akaashi, did you take more of those pain meds?"   
"Y-yeeeees," Akaashi hung around Bokuto's neck. He was as high as a kite. “It hurts real bad.”   
Bokuto's skin was flushed at the touch of Akaashi's smooth skin around him, and by the humidity of the bathroom. "Uh, ‘Kaashi..."   
"Hmmmmmmm, Bokuto-san?" Akaashi smoothed back Bokuto’s hair.   
"Can we do this when you're not high as shit?" Bokuto laughed. Akaashi pouted and let go.   
"Y-yeah. Sorry. You're just so," Akaashi paused and blanked out. “Uh, yeah.” Akaashi grinned without shame. Bokuto kept laughing.    
"Alright, Akaashi. Thank you. But I think you should go back to sleep."   
Akaashi did not say anything but he sank into Bokuto's bed and comforter. He fell back asleep immediately. Bokuto chuckled and shook his head. ' _ He's a good kid _ .'   
  
Later, Akaashi woke up, sober. His bruises went from purple to an ugly shade of green, but at least they were healing. He wrapped himself in a blanket and waddled to Bokuto's couch.   
"Hey, ‘Kaashi."   
Akaashi rubbed his eyes. "Good morning. Are you okay? how are your injuries?"   
Bokuto nodded. "I’m fine. I took pain meds and I feel a lot better!"   
"That’s good. I feel a little better but I’m still," he shuddered. "Well, I don’t even know how I feel."   
Bokuto rubbed Akaashi's arm. "I get you. I was absolutely traumatized my first initiation, too."   
Akaashi cocked his head. "It’s okay. Can I ask about it? What did you do? The same thing I did?"   
Bokuto shook his head. "No. It was-"   
He was interrupted by Kuroo calling.   
  
"Heya heya! Good morning, bro. How's the pretty birdie doing?" Kuroo beamed over the receiver.   
"Akaashi's alright. He's still with me now. He's a little tense right now."   
"D'aww. I feel bad for him. He looked pretty bad last night. How are your guys’ booboos? I’m not too bad." Kuroo said, and to Bokuto's surprise, he sounded genuine.   
Akaashi left the couch because Kuroo's voice over the phone this early was like nails on a chalkboard. He went back to Bokuto's bed, but he could still hear his voice.   
"...We're not too bad, either. Nothing broken. Just a lot of bruising."   
Bokuto's voice brought comfort to Akaashi, even if it was 30 feet away.    
"...No, Kuroo. We didn't do anything last night."   
Bokuto's sheets smelled like him, like cologne and coffee.    
"...I would never do anything to him unless he's ready."   
Bokuto's face was embedded in his mind. Those sparkling eyes, that cheerful smile. They disappeared last night. Akaashi wanted to see them every day.   
"...Thanks, boss. goodbye," Bokuto hung up.   
  
Akaashi rolled over to see Bokuto standing in the doorway. He was smiling. His eyes were bright.   
"Kuroo isn't calling us in today. He's letting us rest."   
Akaashi smiled and spoke, "Can I stay here all day with you?"   
Bokuto crawled into bed next to him. "Of course."   
Then he made a daring gesture: he kissed the back of Akaashi's head and pet his soft hair.   
They stayed there all day, sharing stories and jokes. They learned more about each other with each passing minute. For the first time, Bokuto heard Akaashi's laugh. he fell In love with the way Akaashi's eyes wrinkled when he smiled and laughed, how his eyes twinkled when he was genuinely interested in something, and him constantly pushing Bokuto's hair out of his face.    
  
he was fallin. in love with  _ Akaashi _ .   
  
Akaashi, too, took a real interest in Bokuto. His eyes, smile, hearty laugh, muscles, charisma, sense of humor, bravery, uniqueness, and fighting skill. He fell in love with the way Bokuto touched him; it was just gentle fingers dancing across his arm or when he rubbed Akaashi's scalp.    
It was only a matter of time when it was dead silent, aside from the clock ticking, that Bokuto held Akaashi and kissed his lips. Akaashi melted into the kiss and let himself be held. He wrapped his hands around Bokuto's neck and kissed back.    
They were soft and gentle kisses, nothing extremely sexy, but it was romantic. Akaashi quivered under Bokuto's touch when he kissed his neck while twirling his finger in Akaashi's messy hair.   
He sighed a breath of relief. It was like therapy to him. He felt like Bokuto was all he needed.   
  
"Bokuto-san," Akaashi broke the silence apart from little noises from the two of them.   
"Mm?" Bokuto met Akaashi's gaze.    
"what's your first name?"   
Bokuto smiled. "Koutarou," he answered with a kiss. "What's yours?"   
"Keiji," Akaashi replied, accepting each kiss.    
They kissed more, until Akaashi turned over so his back was to Bokuto. Bokuto wrapped his arms around Akaashi and kissed his head until he fell asleep.   
_ 'Keiji, _ ' he thought to himself. ' _ my angel. _ '   
A pure angel, like the ones you see on TV and in books. He was pure, sacred, and innocent.   
Except Bokuto cursed himself for ruining Akaashi's innocence. ' _ Maybe there's some left, _ ' he thought.  _ 'Maybe it's not all gone.' _   



	11. Give it a Rest, Already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the c-word in dialogue in this chapter a few times, I hope nobody will mind!

Bokuto woke to Kuroo calling.  
"Mmhello?" Bokuto answered sleepily.   
"Didja fuck the lil pretty bird yet bro?" The boss slurred.   
Bokuto blushed. "N-no. I’m not going to..unless he wants to."   
Kuroo laughed through the phone. "Gahaha! Funny joke. Anyway yous should ask him if he wants to hook or be a guard. He’s a good guard but, he’s got a-a long way to go. He’s a cute baby boy too," Kuroo hiccuped. "A-and he could do shifts. One night could be," another hiccup. "Hookin and the other could be security," he snickered. Jackass. Neheheh."   
Bokuto rolled his eyes. "I’ll ask him, yeah. will you stop bothering me about Akaashi, boss?"   
Kuroo whined. "Nyehh," and hiccuped. "You're gonna have to do it, ya hear," he sniffed audibly through the the phone. "Or I will,” he said with a threatening tone.   
Kuroo was insistent on Akaashi. Bokuto sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Goddamnit, Boss. You need to stop drinking." Bokuto did not want to mention the coke addiction along with Kuroo’s alcoholism.   
"I’ll stop drinking when I wanna, asshole!" Kuroo yelled.   
"Mm. Who’s gonna pay the hospital bills when your liver fails? Not me," Bokuto said with sass. he smiled a little smile.   
Kuroo said darkly, "Cunt. I could end you and your ‘career', so don’t fuck with me. You're nothing. You’ve always been nothing without me, cunt. You cunt. Y-you’re a cunt."   
Bokuto paused and sighed softly. "I’m sorry." Then he opened his mouth to say something else and he was cut off.   
"Mmmhhhm," Kuroo replied. "That’s right. cunt," he called out to Kenma In the background and said something. He came back to Bokuto on the phone. "Anyway. Fuck him and tell me about it ASAP. Love ya bro." Kuroo hung up.   
Bokuto sighed loudly and jumped because he did not want to wake up Akaashi. too late.   
Akaashi flipped over in the bed. "Was that Boss?"   
"Y-yeah. Sorry. He was drunk, as per usual. Did I wake you up?"   
Akaashi nodded. "Mhm. But it's okay. It’s not good to sleep so late, anyway."   
Bokuto turned around to hold Akaashi more. He could not keep his hands off of him. His skin was so warm, his hair was so soft, and he smelled so good.   
"Bokuto-san" Akaashi started. "How did you meet Boss?"   
Bokuto sighed. "It's a long story. It was 5 years ago."   
  
There sat a young man covered in blood, his comrades' blood. His friends and guards were scattered around him, bloody and lifeless. He cried tears of fear, grief, and remorse. He had lost his friends, his employees, his established brotherhood.   
"Haaaah, Great Owl-san?" The messy haired man said to his face. He smirked wildly, bearing sharp teeth and wicked eyes. "Everyone's gone. You have no one."   
Bokuto spit blood. He was bloody, bruised, and broken.   
"Kuroo," he coughed. "P-please..."   
"Huh? Please, what? What is it, cunt? Speak up!" Kuroo howled and kicked Bokuto. "You're pitiful. You're less than dirt."   
Bokuto choked back a sob. "Spare me. I’m the only one left..."   
"Hmmm, maybe," Kuroo considered. "On one condition." He squatted to meet Bokuto's eyes. "You come work for me. You can be prisoner or something, as long as I keep a close eye on ya. Then you can be a guard," Kuroo said evilly and gestured his arms out wide. "I can make you strong! You can conquer other gangs! But if you betray me or disobey. I," he paused for emphasis like an asshole. "I will personally end you, myself," he leaned in inches from Bokuto's blood-soaked face. "If you fuck me over you will be nothing more than a cold, dead body floating in the bay," Kuroo's jaw flexed. "Does that scare you enough?"   
Bokuto's tears kept flowing. "I'll do it."   
Kuroo smiled wickedly. His mood changed instantly as if he snapped his fingers and changed it himself. "Thanks, bro. I knew you would finally come around!"   
Bokuto spit out blood again. Kuroo threw an arm around his shoulder and helped him to his feet.   
"Sorry. I erased your whole gang," Kuroo apologized. Crocodile tears.   
Bokuto said nothing.   
It was hard for the first few months, trying to get along with Kuroo and his minions, especially Lev, and it was especially hard when Kuroo went on a drunk and high rampage.     
Eventually, he became one of Kuroo's most reliable, strong, and fearsome guards. On the night Bokuto met Akaashi, Kuroo and him got hammered and Kuroo sent him out to get more booze. Bokuto did not have any money on him, so he tried to mug Akaashi. The rest is history.   
  
"God," Akaashi admitted. "That's...messed up."   
Bokuto shrugged. "He’s like a brother to me now, although sometime. I wish I could strangle him."   
"I’m glad you two more-or-less get along now," Akaashi nuzzled into Bokuto's chest. Bokuto did not want to tell Akaashi about Kuroo’s plea, but he figured that Akaashi had overheard.   
  
There was a knock at Bokuto's door.   
"Stay here," Bokuto kissed Akaashi's head. He put on just a pair of sweatpants, He did not care who was at the door.   
He opened the door to Lev. Lev's weird smile faded to a strange look as his eyes scaled Bokuto's bare chest in the winter air. "Where's ya fuckin shirt man?" Bokuto rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.   
"What do you want, Lev?"   
"Boss said we need to collect more kilos tomorrow. He told me to tell you. He could call you but he’s insanely drunk, he," Lev paused and scratched his head. "Well, you know already."   
Bokuto nodded. "Yeah. I talked to him earlier. Did we ever find out how Oikawa's doing?"   
Akaashi heard "Oikawa" and trembled. Bad memories rushed to his head like a tsunami.   
"Yeah, he's laying low. But the dudes who have the kilos we need to get are tied to him, so we have to be extra careful," Lev scratched his head again. Perhaps it was his size that made him so awkward.   
"Alright. Thanks, Lev," Bokuto said gratefully.   
He was about to close the door on Lev when he ducked his head and peeked inside the apartment, the tall bastard.   
"Is the lil' bird here? Did you guys bang?"   
Bokuto groaned. "Lev, get the fuck out. It’s none of your business."   
Lev shrugged as Bokuto shooed him out of his apartment. "I was just curious, Bokuto-san," Bokuto frowned. Only Akaashi could call him that. Lev smirked. The same smirk as Kuroo. "Don't forget about tomorrow. Bring the birdie too." The tall, lanky, pale, and creepy young man flashed a shit-eating grin and left.   
Bokuto sighed and went into the kitchen. Akaashi was bundled up in blankets.   
"I heard. More kilos right?"   
Akaashi heard everything, unfortunately. Bokuto was thankful that he did not bring up the fact that everyone at HQ wants to know if he and Akaashi have had sex. Bokuto turned on the coffee maker. "Mhm,” Bokuto paused and face-palmed. “Ah, shit! Akaashi, we don’t know if the dudes tomorrow are gonna turn hostile on us. Close combat won’t be the best option.” He ran a hand through his hair while Akaashi just blinked. “You need to learn how to shoot a gun, ‘Kaashi.”


	12. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCK has it been a long time! I think it's been a full year since I last updated the chapters? I have no concept of time. Anyway, I know this chapter is ULTRA short, but I was improvising, because I did not have a lot to work with, as this chapter was not in my draft at all.  
> Thanks for reading!!

Akaashi gulped. "Is it that serious of a job?"  
Bokuto nodded excitedly. "Yeah! You gotta know how to fend for yourself so you can avoid getting beaten to a pulp like last time, yeah?" Bokuto said.  
Akaashi wrapped his arms around his neck.  
"It sounds scary, but I’ll do it.”  
If he did not learn how to fire a weapon, he would surely perish in time. Kuroo’s gang business is cutthroat.  
Bokuto took Akaashi to a shooting range. He trained there when he was just a teenager when he was first involved in gang activity. He showed Akaashi the types of bullets they were using, the ‘anatomy’ of the firearm, and basic safety measures.  
“Yeah, you wanna hold it like this-- yeah, good. Now, place your non-dominant hand under the grip of the gun. Hold it really tight.”  
Akaashi had a solid grip due to his nervousness. His fingers turned white.  
“Okay, good. Now, this part’s important: Never raise your weapon unless you’re ready to fire, even if the safety’s on. And always hold it steady with two hands so you can aim accurately.” Bokuto wiped his brow. “You ready to try a target now?”  
Akaashi nodded, determined. They put on their hearing protection and glasses and used the machine to bring out a target. Akaashi was slightly shaking.  
Bokuto put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Akaashi quivered. “Hey now,” Bokuto started. “Take a deep breath and only fire when you’re ready.”  
Akaashi drew a long breath, held it for a moment to repeat some affirmations, and exhaled. He raised both arms, unlocked the safety with his dominant thumb, and held the gun very tightly.  
“Okay,” Akaashi whispered. He peered into the front sight and focused on the target. He fired. He jumped at the noise of the firearm. Bokuto grinned behind him. Akaashi fired a few more times, but each with a pause in between. He put the safety on and set the gun down. He whipped around to see Bokuto’s giant, brilliant smile.  
“ I knew you could do it, ‘Kaashi!” Bokuto embraced him strongly and tightly. Akaashi was surprised he could squash his anxiety for a few moments as he fired. Bokuto used the controls to bring the target much closer so they could see the damage.  
It was not in the very center of the bullseye, but it was not too far gone, either.  
Bokuto’s grin widened. “With more practice, you’ll become a better shot than Lev, for sure!”  
Akaashi laughed. He was not interested in replacing Lev as a sniper.

They returned to Bokuto’s apartment after a few hours.  
“If something comes up randomly,” Bokuto started. “And lots of shit comes up randomly, are you gonna be ultra-prepared and confident in your abilities to fire a gun, Akaashi?”  
Akaashi gulped. He was a beginner, of course, but thinking about impending stressful situations made his confidence dwindle ever so slightly.  
“Y-yeah. I think the adrenaline helps.” This made Bokuto smile.  
“Good! I’m glad. I know you’re good with a knife, but Boss says knowing how to shoot a gun will make you more useful.” He rolled his eyes. “Asshole. He should get a clue. He’s in his own world.”  
Thinking about Kuroo made Akaashi uneasy, perhaps even a tad bit physically ill. He shooed away the nasty thoughts and tried to savor the time he was spending with Bokuto, because he knew that very soon he would have to make some drastic decisions.


End file.
